Unless you are in the adoption world, you probably don't know that today is Birth Mother's Day. A day to remember and honor a biological mother that made the tough decision to place their child for adoption.
Adoption is built on heartbreak and trauma. There's no getting around that loss for the birth parent and adoptee. As I've been navigating my perspective on the adoption triad, I've been trying to give myself patience and grace as I work through the bittersweet that comes with adoption.
These past six months, I have been backsliding with guilt, repeatedly. Guilt of taking another woman's baby. This comment is not to validate my end of the triad; it's to educate that the pendulum swings from gain to loss, joy to grief, and as I'm holding this precious baby, knowing her hands are empty.
Both ends are working through that fact to try to come to some sort of peace.
Last year, I had been mentally/emotionally preparing for that bittersweet feeling... However, no one can quite prepare you that simultaneously, the happiest day of one side is causing the other side of the adoption triad immense pain.
I don't have all the answers of the injustices within each piece of the triad and this is where I'm at right now: Trying to understand a complex journey that comes with a spectrum of emotions. All I know is that I've been preparing my whole life to step into THIS moment for THIS child to learn a very big lesson from this specific situation.
This painful, yet beautiful experience has solidified that we truly are all connected and are learning and growing from one another and helping each other on the human experience.
By me trying to let myself embrace my role of an adoptive mom raising this child, it does NOT diminish the role of a birth mother carrying and bringing this child into the world. Both sides are created equal- without one side, the other side would not exist. Those lines that make up adoption are equally important and needed for the child. All three sides have a story and perspectives that need to be shared.
This is what I DO know: I know, without a doubt, this child is infinitely loved! Two mothers come together with an intense love for a child, fighting for the child, and prioritizing that child's needs above all else.
And I guess that is where the beauty comes in... Two paths that are destined to meet. The trajectory of the child's life is changed forever. All done out of LOVE. Not changing the fact that heartache comes along for the ride.
Do you have experience with any of the three sides of the adoption triad? I'd love to hear your story and perspective. Do you celebrate Birth Mother's Day?
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